People unite against each other

Only yesterday I was sitting with colleagues for dinner in a French restaurant, where we reserved the Moroccan room. There was a bunch of us, the Europeans: Irish, French, Spanish, Polish, and me, the Arab.

We discussed and talked about everything, men, life, George Bush, twitter, relationships, adoption, family stories, life in Trinidad & Tobago, which brought us back to me, the Arab, in particular, the Lebanese. They asked me if things in Lebanon are fine, I replied proudly: “Yes, they’re fine. Small conflicts here and there but they’re fine.”

Every time I get into a cab, the taxi driver asks me where I’m from. Irish people can immediately tell am not Irish. I always used to think I am a white person, until I came here; even some people told me I have a very dark skin… Anyway this is not the subject. Those cab drivers start telling me that they either visited “The Lebanon” or they know someone who served with the UN in the south back in the days, one of them even told me about a song called “The Lebanon”. They say: “It’s a beautiful country, the Lebanon”… They pause and then ask: “So how are things there? Are you being affected a lot by what’s happening in Syria?”

Until now, I proudly replied: “No, just some rare quarrels in some areas, but they don’t affect daily life.” Of course, who am I kidding? I mean... If daily life wasn’t affected, then why did I leave in the first place?”

Continuing my gloomy story, yesterday during the Moroccan/French dinner I told them: “You know ladies, Lebanon is actually a safe country, you can walk at the end of the night, almost everyone is still awake, either partying, smoking shisha on the balcony or out having breakfast at 4am. I mean, yes, apart from the explosions and the occasional war, Lebanon is safe”. I actually meant what I said.

Today, I wish I didn’t say it. I was reluctant to share what was happening in Beirut with my colleagues. It’s not because I am ashamed, it’s because I was too sad for what happened, for those innocent people losing their lives, for going through this, after all these years, again! How can I come and share this with my first world citizen colleagues? How can I tell them, look at the destruction back home, in a street I’ve walked several times, look at the blood, the wounded, the dead, look at that hole in the ground caused by a massive explosion, the red cross and civil defense, look at how the hospitals are asking for blood units.

How can I tell them, while their biggest problem is, what house to buy, which country to visit next, or how to make a romantic relationship work. How can I come and oblige them to travel back in time to an era where war happens, where buildings fall apart and people die just like that.

So I remained staring at my screen, pretending to work, wiping tears from eyes. No one saw, I couldn’t share it with anyone, no one will understand what it feels like to once again see your country be stepped on this way, to see horrid images like this.

I knew my brother would be around Ashrafieh at that time because he would be picking up his kids from day care. Until he sent me back a text message, I thought, what if he was of the unlucky ones today?

For me, I am sick of analyzing “who is behind this” and “what the big political play is”. I am sick of hoping that there can be change by electing other people, even though I say it, I don’t really mean it, because, you can’t elect other people, because other people won’t win, because we all know why.
One minute everyone was united behind providing blood to the victims yet the second it turns out it was a political assassination, people united against each other.

The most shameful for me when thinking about home is that people don’t get united behind an ideology and a cause, instead, they hide behind their ego.

No one wants to admit his political party is the devil walking among us, because no one wants to admit they were ever wrong to follow them in the first place. It’s more important for people to hide behind their ego instead of lowering their necks for their country. Lions against their brothers, sheep towards their leaders.

Whatever the big game happening, be it regional or “sisterly”, that should no longer matter to us. Analyzing what’s happening should no longer matter because we have been doing it for years and we have not changed anything. Nothing has changed. Why should we keep talking if we are too stubborn, have a big ego, and cannot bend our neck?

Many people said today, donate your blood and shut up. Get it?

My less than 3 years old nephew asked my brother today at the time he heard the explosion: “What is that?” and my bro went with a white lie in his answer… He replied: “Fireworks”.

Fireworks startle me up until today. Even here when I hear a backfire or remote fireworks, I get startled, I look around me waiting to see if others are also worried confirming to me my fears. But no, everyone is continuing life normally. I am the only one who didn’t make peace with fireworks.

Today, I write this post on this blog that was born because of 2006 war, where I ranted and analyzed. And today is just another day where whatever I say goes useless. But today is a day where Beirut went back in time 20 years, again.

We mourn. We pray. We analyze. We blame. They conspire. We pretend. They condemn. We believe. They blame. We blame. They win. We lose.

What are people fighting for these days? I can’t follow anymore. If your aim is to build a house, don’t fight about what color the sofa is going to be? But hey… let’s drop this. We lost. We are losing, and we’ll keep losing. Because we fight for what we “believe” in.

It’s just another scoop on TV, a catchy title, an article on the net, statistics, an exposure for political analysts and another operation for surgeons.

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